Warning! The remarks in this essay are not for the faint of heart. The answer to most questions that ask “which is better – this way or that way?” – is: “it depends”. One can argue almost any case from both sides of the issue. For example, is it better to wait for things to [...]
Archive for the ‘Bereavement’ Category
Pulling Strings Behind the Scenes
One of the questions that arises in a philosophical discussion of who is in control of our destiny is: does God run our lives or does man have freedom of choice? Rabbi Yehoshua Geller explains that indeed man has freedom of choice. However, the outcomes of those choices are determined solely by God. This then [...]
A Guide to the Bereaved
In her book entitled “The Courage to Grieve”, Judy Tatelbaum defines grief as follows: “emotionally, it is a mixture of raw feelings such as sorrow, anguish, anger, regret, longing, fear, and deprivation. Physically, grief may be experienced as exhaustion, emptiness, tension, sleeplessness, or loss of appetite. Overcoming grief comes when we are able to let [...]
Influencing the departed/the departed influencing the living
During the week that my wife was sitting shiva I had an opportunity to listen to the many varied conversations that took place in our living room initiated by well-meaning visitors who came to provide a measure of comfort and a show of goodwill and respect for the deceased. Some of the topics went astray and [...]
The clothing we wear
Doing the laundry is something usually relegated to one of the spouses. Unless you are a vain Hollywood celebrity who wears a piece of new underclothing only once before discarding it altogether, for the rest of us, soiled clothing goes in the hamper for its turn to spin in the cycle of swirling water and [...]
Sudden vs. slow death
The term “sudden death” is often heard in the sport of ice hockey when referring to the overtime period in which the team that scores the next goal wins without further play. The scoring team jubilantly rallies round the player who scored the winning goal, while the losing team leaves the arena dejected in the [...]
A grave question
The gravesite represents the portal between our world and the place from which the deceased departed to the next world. Religious and non-religious alike flock to gravesites in order to give their respects to departed loved ones. It is perhaps the closest thing to actually confronting the deceased directly. Though sad, it does bring an element [...]
A Soul’s Memorial Day
It is customary for those of the Jewish faith to mark the anniversary of a close relative’s death by performing a number of rituals. Included in these rituals are saying kaddish, lighting a candle, reciting a special memorial blessing in synagogue, visiting the grave, and leading services. Having lost a father and a son, I [...]
The urgency to “move on”
There are, unfortunately, people who cannot easily move on after the loss of a loved one. It could take years before coming to grips with the devastation left behind by a spouse, a child, sibling, or parent. Some actually find comfort in being in perpetual mourning. It gives them an excuse not to get out [...]
You owe me, God
I recently went to pay a shiva call at a house of mourning in the neighborhood. At the time that I arrived, there were not too many people visiting the bereaved. It gave me an opportunity to sit up close and be an active participant in the serene discussion that took place. One of the [...]
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